Lilian Fortune

I remember the first few weeks after my second child, as amazing as I felt when first saw her, it felt like with every passing day, my joy was followed with severe irritation. I hated everything, the food around me, the never ending chattering of the visitors, and her loud cries, lord.

I remember crying every now and then especially when I tried to sleep and she didn’t let me. I had my crazy moments filled with anxiety, all of a sudden, I had forgotten that I had been through it before and started to wonder if I was going to be a good mother to my baby girl. I had problems with my appetite and I just didn’t want to do anything,

My postpartum experience was probably better that that of my friend who at that time, had just moved into our neighbourhood. It was her first and I can not emphasize how bad her postpartum was. I remember her husband coming over to ask for my help about twice. The first time, she had locked herself up in the bathroom, crying because she couldn’t stand being around the baby who would not stop crying and the other time, she considered suicide. Thats as bad as it can get. But does this make my friend a bad mother? absolutely not!

A lot of things happen that causes women to go through a tough time after childbirth, and trust me, its even worse when you do not have a supportive partner. You’d start to feel like you’re alone, and you do not want to be alone. In some cases, some women would consider taking their lives and that of their new born.

The mood swings can not be underemphasised, then there is the anxiety, the feeling to withdraw yourself from everything and everyone and if you’re someone who dreads the thought of gaining weight, you could be pretty irritated in your own skin. everything could set you off, and in most cases, you’d be tempted to take it out on your partner.

There is no specific way to accept your current predicament and get used to it if you suffer from postpartum but trust me, going through it alone is not a good thought. Talk to someone about it, there are so many programs and get togethers, organisations that help mothers go through this stage successfully, reach out to them and attend the gatherings, hear the stories of other mums and realise how you’re not alone. Make friends with these new moms, organise get togethers so you all don’t have to be alone.

As an African woman, one of the things that helped me get through with mine was ómugwò (or-mu-gu-war). It’s a tradition carried on for years in my tribe where mothers come to visit their daughters who have just given birth to help them baby sit and take care of the new babies so they could have time to themselves to adjust. They are always on call when the babies start to cry and some times, they even sleep with the babies in the baby room. If you have a mother, or any relative like a sibling or cousin, or even a friend you can trust with your child, you can ask them to substitute and help you with this ómugwò practice. Some might not want to but do not let that disturb or upset you, it might probably be for your best interest because trust me, if they had your best interest at heart, they would.

Having someone like this around would buy you time to have your own self time, go out to grab some air, sleep some more and have the time to refill your energy tank.

Remember, you did not make your baby alone, ensure that your partner has some sort of responsibility as far as caring for it is concerned, draw a sleep schedule where you both take turns to baby sit especially at night or moments when you need some alone time.

Also remember, there is no harm in wanting to be by yourself. You don’t have to entertain visitors all the time, yes, they would love to celebrate with you but don’t forget that a crowd, no matter how small it is can be overwhelming and you don’t want that when dealing with postpartum. Let your partner entertain the guests while you just stay in your room watching TV or doing whatever it is you like.