Lilian Fortune

     Have you ever just had the thought or wisdom that there is something wrong with your child or guardian? or maybe feel that they are hiding something from you? or even worse, heard that they were doing something wrong from a total stranger, classmate, or the woman next door and just have the urge to snoop through their things for evidence? what happens when you actually find one? trust me, the various rush of emotions have no words for them. At first you’re surprised, then you’re angry, then you’re back to feeling so guilty that it happened on your watch. At that moment, you don’t know what to do, you’d begin to feel like you’ve failed a great deal as a mother and as a confidant. If you’re lucky, your husband might be someone to talk to and draw strength from on what to do, but what if you’re not what if you’re all alone to handle the situation? Big big hassle!

When certain situations like this happen, the first instinct you might feel is to pick up your phone, or just yell at the top of your lungs….”come here right now!”. I must warn you, that might not be the smartest move at that point in time. while you go through the series of emotions, the first thing you might want to do is breathe in and breathe out, then analyse the situation. Don’t put so much thoughts into it, I know what they say “the mother’s intuition concerning her child is always right”, yes, yes a thousand times, we mothers have the supernatural abilities to know when something is wrong with their child, some, like me, can detect when we are being lied to by our children. Nevertheless, every mother would need more than just their intuition to handle situations like this. Don’t be in a hurry to know the truth, when you do that, you’d only create your own version of the truth and judge the situation based on your analysis.The fist thing you might want to do is:

Sit your child down for a talk. the environment and atmosphere at which the talk would be taken, would determine a lot, especially the co-operation of your child in letting you know the truth. When you finally summon up the courage to call your child in for a talk, you don’t need to make the situation one to be hard to breathe in. You don’t need to make them know immediately that they are in trouble, or that you heard or saw that they’ve been exhibiting bad behaviour, you can start off with a smile, and then a proper conversation. Let them know the gravity of the situation and the effects of their actions from what you say and how you act, that way, it would be very possible to get them to listen.

Hear their version of the truth; after getting them in a mood where they would be comfortable to listen and communicate honestly with you, try to listen to them, or the version of their truth. Don’t make assumptions as to what the truth is even if its looking you right in the eye. Always give them an opportunity to tell you what happened, and why it happened. Give them the benefit of a doubt and the chance to defend themselves.Give them all your attention even when  you don’t believe them, that way, it would be easy to get them to open up to you not because they fear being punished, but because they feel you would understand.

The privacy talk; in a situation where you have gotten a hold of the information that you have through going through their phones or other private belongings, tell them where you got in from, assure them that you still respect their privacy as long as they earn it. Set boundaries on the extent of privacy they can keep. Assure them that you are not scared that they might  decide to still commit the same offence carefully the next time.